JESSE CHOICE

My beloved Lestat, I address these words to you, to say goodbye to our story, so that you know that you were not the reason for my choice, but that you made me a better woman. Without you I would not have discovered me, accepted my condition and family heritage, my soul, my culture and my mission, I thank you for every challenge, and the energy you took, to force me to accept your blood, which transformed me into the blood baroness that I am today, with pride and acceptance, the queen of all the cursed, and in your consort and companion.

When I met you, I dreamt of vampires, I wanted to become powerful, and the appeal always existed within me, even when my aunt Margareth hide her tears of blood for what happened to my parents, who died during the great purge. For years my family, which was my aunt and Jacob our butler, tried to hide the truth from me, that I was the daughter of vampires, that I had promised blood running in my veins, that I came from vampires, even I was born before their transformation, my aunt belived I could live without knowing the pain of taking from others, without feeling the constant emptiness, and the need to permanently drink the life of mortals.

I have always secretly aspired to blood and gold, to power and money, the natural conditions and prerogatives of vampires, my family tried unsuccessfully to impress on me the values of humility and fear of a god I didn't understand, when I was fascinated by the limelight, at night, and by the foliage. It was my choice to study vampires more closely, I became one of the best vigilantes and when I went to look for you at the Admiral's Arms, it was my secret wish to be transformed that night into a vampire, but I was saved by you, who kept me from suffering from the same fate that had overtaken you.

You never had the possibility of choice, Marius took your life and separated you from your family and your titles, stripping you from your identity, and you had to survive, find your passion in music, in which you soon realized that dependency of blood, was forced to secrecy, to hide your identity, and the realization that the desire you had to show yourself to the world, could not be openly revealed. You were a source of admiration and curiosity for me, that I got closer and closer, and watched you from near distance.

David studied Marius and I studied you, and from looking at the abyss so much, I became the abyss, even before accepting your blood I already accepted your energy and your soul, all your efforts to get away it was in vain, because I couldn't stop chasing you and studying you more and more. I had to know everything about your origins, I was obsessed about you. How Marius had transformed you and how you wanted to be a vampire in daylight, your desire to change the image of vampires, the vision of a modern world where transgression and share could be achieved by vampire kind, the communication revolution that would transform vampires into movie stars and art in general into liberation, this idea was suddenly shared by me, an observer intoxicated with the power of blood and gold.

You were always gentle with me and you tried until the end to prevent my fate, but the choice was mine, it was me who decided to come to you, it was me who decided that I would not run away, nor did I want to be protected by my adoptive mother. I wanted to live in the light day, even knowing that my aunt and mother, Margareth and your mentor and father Marius, were right. We should not live in daylight, because it burns and destroys us, and because we cannot reflect in mirrors only in the water of flowing rivers and in the eyes of our soul.

I looked at you for an eternity, because I didn't know the time of the immortals, for twenty years I waited my turn with anxiety, you were the abyss and you were already part of me and I was waiting for the day of my liberation, the day of my transformation , when all I was would be complete with my emancipation, it was immortality through blood and gold, and you respected my space and my identity, but you ignored my choice because you wanted to protect me, you didn't love or feel empathy, because we both know that's impossible for a vampire, but you felt empowered because I was your victim and I wanted you to be my first victim, which ended up happening.

Your gesture of giving me your blood to drink was salvific, because without it I would certainly have died on that day our sovereign died, that day she was not my queen yet, it was just Akasha the queen of the damned and I I wasn't a vampire yet, just a scholar who really wanted to be like you, to live in the night with the power of blood and gold and understand my origins and assert my identity through the ego, I really wanted that power, that ability to be strong, and being able to choose.

What made me fall in love with you was your surrender to choice, your ability to lead and challenge, admiration, that was what exactly what made me surrender to you, but also to me. Akasha and Enkil had been hidden kings, and that moment, in which in your act of rebellion, you decided on killing Enkil and awakening Akasha, that action was the supreme challenge to our condition. Since has you had realized in 1780, by the violin-playing gypsy who died at your hands after love shared, our condition could not be surrender. Through your actions it was clear and I had realized that we could never love, nor live in daylight, fairness had died, and that the only way, the way to love was to create bonds of codependency, due to our inability to love and be empathetic, given our narcissistic condition and dependence on blood, which forces us not to expose ourselves and to hide our identity.

But there you were defying our condition, being a rock star, the daylight going to the Admiral Arm's and having hundreds of followers, that new passion made our Queen Akasha come back and adhere to your saving dream, and she died dominated by the passions awakened by your vision, your leadership, and that goal, gave me the certainty of what she wanted for me, and it was my choice to face her and seal my fate, when she killed me and took the last straw of my blood and life, she knew that she was killing her adversary, the only one who could become Queen in her own right, her successor on the vampire throne.

In one night I went from being a mortal, a simple student and researcher, an advisor to the order of the vigilantes, to a baroness of the blood. When you gave me to drink your blood to save my life, you transform the destiny of we all, by making me your queen, and then queen of the damned at your side, because after the purge, after Akasha's death, as only Marius would be the oldest, we were natural heirs to the throne of darkness, as he would resign to rule and by choice chose to be a hermit, for all intents and purposes.

After all these events, we are consorts, you king and I queen of all the damned, and our shared vision unites us forever, it's a new time and when to the world we are winners. We both know that we are just the abyss, we are the new Enkil and Akasha. We carry forever the destinies of our family, of our tribe, of our guild, that makes us sovereign, obliged to the service, to the secrecy, to the same cause that we soo wanted to fight. We are now sovereign of the damned, obligated to watch over our subdits and love all our children, now we are their references, we have an obligation to serve them, and to serve mortals.

As for now the cycle is closed, the apprentice is a master, and the master is an apprentice, we are mother and son, and father and daughter, we take care of each other, and that's why we have to separate because it no longer makes sense to pretend what I no longer feel, the transformation took me the empathy that you always lacked, from looking at the abyss so much I became the abyss, and I need constant supply in the world, just as you now live for the world and I chose this path for myself, I don't expect anything from you, because if I want, I have the strength to take you away, but I thank you for your gift, without your blood I wouldn't have lived and I wouldn't be in all my glory, Jesse the Baroness of Blood, the Queen of all the Damned, by my choice, and by my determination.

You will forever be my consort Lestat the Musician King, who enchanted my heart and freed me from my fears so that I could be the greatest of all vampires, your Queen, surrounded by blood and gold.